Bike Night Ballyhoo!
It’s July and already hotter than a $2 pistol, my BTR friends. I keep telling Mike to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. He keeps telling me his arms are hurting from too many 12 oz curls, his fingers are pruned from holding too many wet cans, and his brain is too foggy from multiple run-ins with Bud, Foster, Stella, Amber and Genny.
Bert’s Great American Bike Night at OCC Roadhouse & Museum has been off the chain. Lately there have been two bands and me on stage with at least one of them, a variety of vendors, awesome food choices, and plenty of cold drinks. All this is happening under six, 50 foot fans, so it’s never too hot and a great way to spend Thursday night rain or shine.
Mike cuts me off saying, “Spyke, this place is the newest motorcycle Mecca and biker Country Club in the Tampa Bay area. There is no need to wait for weekend events to come here. If you’re into bike viewing, monster trucks, line dancing, live music, bar games, great food, delicious drinks, people watching or are just interested in the Orange County Choppers/biker lifestyle, these things happen here seven days a week. Coming up on Sunday August 21st, Born To Ride will be hosting the ultimate Great American Biker Bash. Mark your calendars, don’t go on vacation, call in sick, and bring all your friends to the hottest event this summer.”
“The band Preacher Stone, featured on the show Sons of Anarchy, is the headliner and I’ll be joining them on stage sometime during the day,” Mike goes on. “Choppertown Live will be in full swing with Paul Teutul Sr. and other famous bike builders showing off their best and highlighting this over-the-top chopperfest extravaganza.”
I cluck, “Dude! It will be a day filled with Polaroid poses and Kodak moments for both of us. I will be so busy entertaining the crowd with avian antics and tomfoolery that you’ll be running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to capture the moment for everybody while keeping me in line.”
Mike belches out, “It’s going to be crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory and yes, I’ll be busier than a squirrel trying to get a nut! Talk about busy, you need to get off that float, out of the pool and start pecking away at the keyboard. And I don’t mean working on your dating site for chickens, www.poultrypokers.com. That’s your fun job, making hens meet. Ron has been asking for your story going on a week now. I haven’t been able to talk to him yet. I’m still traumatized from the incident I experienced earlier while I was out getting your bird seed. I’ll never forget the look on the cashier’s face when she scanned the bag of seed and I asked her how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them?”
I cackle after crawling off the pool float, “Mike, you are trembling and look a little pale. Tell me what happened?”
He pulls up a chair next to me as I start pecking on my story. “I’m glad you weren’t with me earlier. I’m okay, just a little shaken up. I was robbed this morning!
After the trip to PetSmart, I had to make a stop at the gas station. I pulled into a Wa Wa. It all happened very fast. Just like how they say, in a blink of an eye! As I gathered myself together my hands were still shaking. I was dizzy and I knew I was in shock. But my money was gone. So, I called the police and for once they were fantastic. They did make a request for medical assistance as they found my blood pressure was through the roof. After getting checked out and released by the paramedics, the officer asked me if I could remember anything or knew who did it, and I told them: Yes, clearly it was pump number 2.”
I put one wing over my beak and squawk, “You should’ve taken me on the Fat Boy 3. If we were on the scoot, that damned one arm bandit would have only gotten half your money. Now how are you going to support the single moms at the gentlemen’s club after bike night tomorrow?”
Mike babbles, “Don’t worry, my little buddy. I have a supply of kitty kash stashed for such events, so we won’t dig into your college fund, this time. It’s full of ones and fives that I was given workin’ your feathered ass down at the pier last weekend.”
I screech, “This time! You say that every time. Keep it up and the only fund I’m gonna have is a go fund me account. I think you should take us out on the scoot, go spend the money on your friends and get something to eat, you know your taste buds. Let’s get my wings in the wind while I’m hanging onto the back of the Fat Bird 3, your knees bent into the breeze, and its wheels rolling down the road, I’m hungry.”