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The past holiday season has been tough for Mike my BTR friends.

Published on February 10, 2021 under Blog
The past holiday season has been tough for Mike my BTR friends.

The past holiday season has been tough for Mike my BTR friends. Between covid and some unusual circumstances regarding his healing, his addiction has reappeared it’s ugly head. These trying times have become so bad that it’s almost as if Mike has the onset of dementia and this feathered egg maker almost cracked. Let me tell y’all about it.

Ever since last month’s new revelation with people and doors, Mike has been wandering around, talking to himself and thinking out loud. It was the straw that broke the camels’ back. He has now fallen off the wagon, right back into overthinking and the need to re-enter TA (Thinkers Anonymous).

It started out innocently enough. He began to think at past holiday parties to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another and Mike quickly developed into more than just a social thinker.

He began to think alone, “to relax,” he told himself but Mike knew that wasn’t true. Thinking became more and more important to him and finally he was thinking all the time.

Mike began to think on the job. He knew that thinking and employment doesn’t mix but he couldn’t stop himself. Mike would sneak outside the garage to avoid his colleagues at lunchtime just so he could read the writings of Plato and Aristotle. He was overwhelmed with thinking about the doors he could find to open in the scriptures. Mike would then return to his toolbox dazed, confused and asking, “What the hell was I doing to this car in my bay?” Things weren’t going so great around the Sanctuary either. One evening Mike turned off the TV and asked me, of all creatures, about the meaning of life. I spent that entire night filling his head with all kinds of cockamamie ideas. The bad thing was he just sat there, stared at me, didn’t move a muscle and just kept thinking.Mike soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day his boss called him out. Dan said, “Birdman Mike, I like you, I like your work ethics and I really like Spyke hanging out at the shop. But it hurts me to say this: your thinking has become a real problem. If you don’t stop thinking on the job, you’ll have to find another job.” This gave Mike a lot to think about.

He went home after that conversation with the boss and confessed sheepishly, “Spyke, I’ve been thinking…” I cackle loudly, “I KNOW you’ve been thinking! I want another partner, a new master, a normal abnormal human being.” Mike squabbles, “But Spyke, surely it’s not that serious?” I peck my talons on the table saying, “It is serious!” My lower beak starts quivering as I gaggle, “you think more than a philosophy major, and everyone knows philosophy majors don’t make any money. Put the brakes on your train of thoughts dude or we won’t have any money!” Mike said impatiently, “that’s a pile of bird shit!” and I began to cry…

Mike couldn’t take it anymore and screamed, “I’m going to the library,” as he stomped out the door. Mike jumped in the truck without me and headed down the road. He skidded into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors… they didn’t open. It was 6:30 Thursday night and the library was closed. Later, he realized that a Higher Power was looking out for Mike that evening.

Mike’s better half, Cherry, drives me down to the library and we find him clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Plato. I jump on his shoulder, give him my wings up and cackle, “welcome to rock bottom!” He turns to look at me and a poster catches his eye: Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life? it asked. Then bow your head and pray: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change… Most humans probably recognize those lines. It comes from the standard Thinker’s Anonymous (TA) workshop manual. I crow, “which is why I live with who Mike has become today: a recovering thinker. Now he never misses a TA meeting. At each get-together they watch a non-educational video. Last week it was Jerry Springer talking about the song “I’m bad” by Michael Jackson. Then everybody shares experiences about how they avoided thinking since there last gathering. For them life needed to be more vanilla, bland, dull and boring…without any purpose or meaning. As soon as they stopped thinking, avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and their futures, they started becoming whole again.

Now Mike has kept his job. I still stand on my perch at the shop and things are entirely different at home. He just stares at the tv for hours and receives his daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life. I’m so glad he’s rejoined Thinking Anonymous.

Mike sniffles and says, “dude, you’re the best bird anyone could ever have! Let’s go get some of your favorite treats down at the pet store. You’ll get your wings out the window, I’ll get my knees under the keys, as the truck gets its wheels rolling down the road. Cheers. — SPYKE

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