Spyke and Mike New Year’s Resolutions
“Woohoo, it’s 2021! Mike and I are both looking forward to 2020 being over, my BTR friends. It’s that time of year for us to put up or shut up. Declare resolutions, make changes, be goal driven and pay bills on time. OR, just lay on the couch watching TV, accepting the New Year and the new Covid strain as both unfold before us.”
Mike breaks in, “That’s easy for you to say and do my feathered friend, Spyke. You’re Covid-proof, so what else do you have to worry about? Resolutions? You’re already the best bird out there. Okay, well maybe you can resolve not to poop down my back as much. Changes? You’re usually the nicest bird around. Well, maybe you could change and stop being mean to your friends who come to the Sanctuary and visit. Goals? You’ve been making everyone you meet very happy. Okay, maybe a good goal would be to ease up with your talons while standing on peoples’ arms forcing them to cringe. Bills? You’ve got none. But maybe you’d entertain your fans more so I don’t feel like I’m WTB (Working The Bird) for those Kodak moments and filling your peanut shaped tip jar.”
I cackle, “Well Mike, I’ll take all that to heart and work on them. Speaking of working on things, I’ve devised a jingle about what happens every year after you’ve overbought to your heart’s content and charged your credit cards past their limits. While still in the holiday spirit, I pecked it out to the tune of: Twas the Night before Christmas.
It was a month after Christmas and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting except for the mouse.
The electronics have issues or their batteries are dead,
Mike was passed out with Cherry in his bed.
Boxes and bubble wrap still covered the floor,
While upstairs his roommates continued to snore.
The maid in her t-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Came into the house and started to clean.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains and threw up the sash.
When what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck with an oversized left mirror.
The driver was smiling so lively and grand,
The patch on his jacket read: US POSTMAN.
With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox,
Then quickly stuffed them into Mike’s mailbox.
Bill after bill, after bill, they still came,
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:
“Now Dillard’s, now Bealls, now eBay and Sears,
Here’s Walmart and Target and Best Buy, all here!
Maxing the cards out, every store, every mall.
You charged away, charged away, charged away all!”
He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work,
He filled up the box and then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his truck and drove off down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.
Then she heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
“Enjoy what you’ve bought, you’ll be paying all year!”
“Damn, Spyke,” Mike babbles, “you really know how to take the joy out of enjoying life. Don’t you realize that our existence revolves around debt and credit? You know it’s true that you can’t take it with you when you die. Which means, the guy with the most toys in the end wins! So when my life flashes before my eyes, I want to make sure I’ve got plenty to watch!”
I cackle, “Dude, we already have plenty to watch, just look around you. The doors we open and close each day gives us a new choice, a different point of view for the rest of our lives. In other people’s lives, every door opening has a story and every door closing is a new beginning. So, look at humans as if they were doors and the experiences that you’d be choosing or losing.”
Mike babbles, “Damn, Spyke, I like your way of thinking. Maybe I need to stop calling you bird brain and rename you Confucius Fowl or Avian Aristotle.
Now you’ve got me thinking no resolutions this year. It will be more like a life altering decision, a born again commitment.
“In the blink of an eye doors open and close. I’m going to live life for a door that is not materialistic or one I can buy with money. I’ll forgive often, love with all my heart and pass on random acts of kindness. I will walk through these doors passionately.
“But whatever I do before sliding into the grave skull first, I’ll just keep riding cloud nine heading towards Nirvana and unlimited Bliss, dragging you along and whoever else is with us.”
I squawk, “Dude, that’s awesome. Your name should be Miko Plato! Let’s get your knees under the keys, my wings in the wind and your forehead out the sunroof, ultimately achieving a brain freeze that preserves those very thoughts while the trucks’ wheels go rolling down the road.”
—Spyke