How are the Resolutions Coming Along? – Spyke & Mike
Welcome to the ‘dead middle’ of winter, my BTR friends. I hope you’ve got layers on under your leathers when you ride and the heat on at the house when you get home. Damned Jack Frost … isn’t that why we moved to Florida to get away from the ole man? Anyways, let’s check with Mike and find out how did his so-called resolutions in January 2020 work out for him.
Dude! Have you been making things happen? Managing your own destiny? Still snorting those brain pills you bought off the Dr. Oz Show???
He grabs my beak and yells, “If you’re referring to my new destiny and not just making fun of my life-altering decisions, it’s game on as planned! We’ve finally turned the corner at Pain & Torture (Physical Therapy). Now I’m doing work-related exercises, so I can get out there and be a part of reality that people call life. I believe I’ve inspired many to do something memorable before they expire. Our riding brothers and sisters have responded well to my new way of thinking. And you my feathered friend, have been out more in the past month than six months prior!
People have got a new slang for me, the ‘Buber guy.’ Bird-Uber; someone who can’t get you around on the scoot, but the truck works just good enough. You sit on the windowsill of the door, stick your head out, and get some wind therapy. People tell me you look like that little pig doing the same thing on a Geico commercial. You know the one, he’s got his head out the window, pinwheels spinning in his hands, and going weeeee! Now, I’ve just gotta find you some pinwheels. …
After having our fill of Gibtown on Friday and Saturday, I bubered your feathered-ass to the River’s Edge on Sunday. It was a good time hanging out, enjoying some vitamin D, and watching Stonegrey. What an awesome band! We met up with some of our longtime friends Annette, Kid Rock, Jeff & Laurie, Amy, Bobcat, Party Patty & G. It was then our buddy, Chopper Dave, got a Candid Camera shot of you playing patty-cake with a little kitten. Now, that mini cat is going to remember seeing your beak in its face for the rest of his life and think, ‘I played with my dinner today and I liked it’. If that ain’t making things happen, I don’t know what it is!”
I cackle, ‘If that doesn’t turn a cat into a bird lover, I can’t turn anything into liking chicken. It reminds me of a saying: life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dammit. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them forever, preferably with Kodak moments like that. Especially if they’re about a little pussy … cat! I hope to see him when he gets older so we can play; let’s see who can catch the bigger mouse.’
Mike slaps his forehead and says, “Now Spyke, you’re not fooling anyone. You don’t like mice, you’re like your cousin, the chicken! You’ve been caught at Quaker Steak and Lube and many other wing joints eating the marrow out of their bones. Do you realize how West Virginian and morbid that is? Not to mention, do you know how big a rat’s bone is?”
I cackle, ‘Dude, you’ve raised me to like cousin, but that’s another story. … I don’t give a rat’s ass about rat bones; I just want to scare the crap out of them! Then, I want to see my feline friends have fun playing with them. That reminds me of a joke: How do you know when a cat is done playing with a mouse?
Mike rolls his eyes and replies, “I don’t know, she moves on to the next toy?” I squawk, ‘No dummy, she’s cleaning herself and smoking a cigarette!’ Mike babbles, “Awww Spyke, you’ve got to be kitten me! Please stop freakin’ meowt. OK then Spyke, I have one for you; What does a cat eat while watching his favorite TV show?”
I scratch under my wing and answer, ‘Cheesecake while watching Garfield and friends?’ Mike groans, “No talon grips, it’s chocolate mousse while watching Tom and Jerry!”
I cackle, ‘Alright Mike, if you’re going down that road, tell me why will us parrots give you unconditional love until the day we die, but cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born?’ Mike replies, “I’m not sure Spyke, is it because they know they can give you cat scratch fever?” I screech, ‘No blondie, it’s because you live with me in Parrotdise! You should be grateful Adam and Eve were Caucasian. If they were Chinese, they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and who knows where you’d be right now. …’
Mike chokes and says, “Ouch birdbrain I think you need a little more buber time hanging out the window of the truck. Craig is getting close to having the Fat Bird 3 done, but I’m not even close to getting your wings back on it yet. Let’s make like a cat and pounce on down the road and find you some pinwheels. You and I both need a little wind therapy. It’s time to get your wings in the wind, my knees under the dash with the sunroof open, and it’s 4 wheels rolling down the road.”
SPYKE