Spyke & Mike New Jeans in 2019!
What’s up my BTR friends. Mike and I made it through another Christmas. It was a pleasant holiday, but he’s still a little bruised up from the beating he took from a couple of part-time Santa’s offended by his ‘Santa is a woman’ story last month. … Mike tells me this New Year symbolizes a unique chapter in the book of his life. It offers him the greatest opportunity to bring about a change in his undesired traits and behaviors. Also, to accomplish a personal goal: improve his inner harmony, so he says.
In past years, he set many resolutions and had almost all of them fail. Like most of us, his intentions and ideas are usually in his best interest. But it’s his follow-up or lack of that ends up biting him in the ass.
“Yes Spyke,” Mike cuts in, “You hit the nail on the head again. So this year I’m starting with a new winning streak. I’m going right down the middle, aiming to maintain mediocrity. Unlike last year, I’m not going to let you get a hold of my list and chew it up. I need it for reference.”
I cackle, ‘Is your photographic memory broken? Do you have a bad case of CRS (Can’t Remember S**t)? Well, I couldn’t take seeing a grown man cry. That’s what happened last year when you failed everything by Jan 5th.
So, what’s on your mind besides mediocrity?’
I roll my eyes as Mike pulls out another list. He backs away from me and starts reading. “My therapist said to improve on what I’m good at. I looked in the mirror and told myself the same thing. Looks like I’ll be good at nothing. So I’m not going to set my resolutions too high. I’m only going to go for 240p. To me, it feels like a low-quality year. As a lifelong student at the School of Hard Knocks, this is one thing I have to accept year-in and year-out. I’ve read so many horrible things about drinking and eating recently that I made a resolution of no more reading. And I am really trying not to cling to all my mistakes just because I spent a lot of time making them. Every year I say I’m going to grow up. Instead this year I’ll let my hair grow out again, that seems to be easier. I think I’m going to be more like a cat and give zero crap about anything in 2019. From what I can tell, it’s working out pretty good for them. Seems to me when I put in my two cents worth about something, it always costs me a few hundred dollars, sometimes even a trip to the emergency room, and I’m done with that.”
I squawk, ‘Yeah, they know you on a first-name basis and have your admission forms pre-printed. Also, those bumps and bruises take longer to heal when you get older. I think you should just stick to blinding a handful of people with your brilliance before baffling everyone with your bullshit. So, being the wise ole bird in your life, pull up a chair and listen to my advice. Letting go of some things doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending. You are whoever you want to be. You just have to decide to be and follow through. You need to smile and laugh more, forgive and forget, chase rainbows, and give hugs along the way.’
‘I learned these last ones from your mom. It doesn’t matter who you are, it’s when you can make people smile is what makes your heart feel good. It doesn’t matter what you have, it’s about what you can share with others. And last but not least, it doesn’t matter what you love, just love it unconditionally.’
‘Mike, over the years I’ve seen you rise and I’ve seen you fall. I’ve seen you spit blood and lose teeth. I’ve seen you give the shirt off your back to somebody you’ll never meet again. I’ve watched you put your life on the line for someone that means nothing to you knowing that doing the right thing was the right thing to do. I’ve seen you in love and be burned by it only to turn around and love again. And I’ve watched you wear those holey freaking patched up jeans for 30 years and hopefully soon you will buy a new pair and retire them.’
Mike wipes a tear from his eye and babbles, “Awww thanks Spyke! You really know how to put the love in ‘I love you.’ Now that you mention it, I could use a sponsor to spend money on me. If anyone’s needing a charity case, I’m available!”
I cackle, ‘Dude, you’d get money quicker standing in front of the mall sporting them, ringing a bell with a sign on a bucket saying, your daughter might be bringing me home while I’m wearing these pants! I think it’s time for some wind therapy. Close your brain and open the garage door. You need to get my wings in the wind, your knees in the breeze, and the Fat Bird 2 wheels rolling down the road.’