Biker Movie Review: Hell Ride
This month’s Movie Review: Hell Ride
Confusion and chaos pretty much sums up this movie. It is the modern day version of all the biker exploitation “B” movies ever made. Curiously, Larry Bishop (as Pistolero) appeared in a variety of films including The Savage Seven, Mad Dog Time and Kill Bill to name a few. His collaboration with Quentin Tarantino in this most recent effort, would lead one to believe that “Hell Ride” is a major cinematic production destined for the A list. Sadly, it falls short of that mark.
The story revolves around Pistolero and his gang “the Victors.” The main characters are himself, the Gent and Comanche who set out to avenge the death of his ol lady Cherokee Kisum. Cherokee it seems, was murdered by the 666er’s, a rival gang. But wait, let’s back up! This is exactly what makes the flick so confusing. … We flash back and forth from 35 years back to 35 years forward.
It seems that Bishop as the writer director and star is the only one that understands what is going on at any given time. I was lost after viewing it twice, but again I digress.
The film is soaked with girls, drugs and murder. I like all those facets in a biker exploitation film but the chaotic pace leaves one wondering where the plot is. It seems the Victors MC have an underlying code of deceit and distrust. As the movie rolls along, several of the members of gang are killed by the Gent and other Victors leaving only Pistolero, the Gent and Comanche in the gang. Ahhh, but there is another member hiding in the desert! Eddie Zero played by Dennis Hopper appears as a (possibly retired) member of the gang. How they were able to get Hopper to appear in this mess was a mystery in itself, and I was surprised, and entertained for a moment until I saw David Carradine playing rival gang member “The Duce.” Evidently the Duce and Pistolero had some under-the-table dealings and this conflict led to the ongoing battle between the two clubs.
The 666er’s use arrows and darts to carry out their hits while the Victors use the more conventional revolvers, available at Wal-Mart. The Victors trademark murders–you will see a few of these involve the tying of one to a chair, the cutting of the throat, and the soaking of the subject in gasoline, which is then ignited by the tossing of a Zippo lighter, also available at Wal-Mart. Somewhere in my recall, it seems to me that this ritual was borrowed from the 666er’s when they did in Cherokee Kisum.
In the end, the Victors cut off the Duce’s head, and Eddie Zero delivers it to the 666er’s hangout in a nice wicker basket (see Wal-Mart above). He departs and rides off down the road until his motor quits for some reason. He gets off his vintage ride to repair it, and sees the 666er’s pull up behind him. The leader of the 666er’s, (played by Vinnie Jones) shoots him in the back with a dart fired from an air powered device that looks like a Shark Gun. He collapses on the highway. Much to the 666er’s surprise the Victors pull up behind them and the Gent kills all of them, but only wounds Jones who falls to the pavement. Pistolero in a strange twist of role, shoots Jones with a small crossbow, then reloads and fires a dart into Jones’ gas tank. As the fuel surrounds Jones, who is bleeding cussing and etc, one of the Victors cuts his throat, and Pistolero tosses the classic Zippo into the pool of gas. In the next frame, Hopper gets up off the pavement, and removes his armor laden jacket – arrow still intact- and hands it to his girl who gives him a similar jacket. They depart the scene, and the three meet in the desert where the 666er’s had previously buried some sort of lockbox containing some sort of (something). … There are three keys that have 666 stamped into them. There is a short argument, and Comanche digs up the lock box and the others give him the three keys. What’s in that thing you ask? You will never know, because the shot shows only Comanche’s face from the inside as he opens the box. I think it was empty, but what do I know? The trio then fire up their motors and ride off in three different directions as the credits roll.
If you are a fan of naked ladies, cool classic motorcycles, and blood and guts, this film is for you! However if you were expecting a plot, a story line, or a coherent slide-show of pleasant desert scenes you aren’t gonna be too happy.
Tarantino once told Bishop “It is your destiny to write, direct and star in a movie.” Sometimes destiny is not all it’s cracked up to be! I would reluctantly give this film 2 out of 5 stars, because there were 2 REAL stars exploited in this mess. It is rated R for ridiculous, and runs approximately 86 minutes. In my opinion it should be 86’ed altogether.