WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS
This film borders on the edge of, well, I’m not sure. Possibly a horror movie, and certainly a classic example of “biker exploitation” pieces, Werewolves on Wheels has it all for those of you who seek the alternative to ‘A’ List films.
The story begins as most ‘exploitation films’ do with a group of motorcycles cruising down a desert highway. But WAIT! These are real “period” Harley-Davidson choppers! Cool! One star for authenticity. … These wonderful old machines are ridden by ‘actors’ that could possibly be (real) bikers. Or perhaps I should say the cast doesn’t feature actors that you may have heard of. As it goes along, these folks calling themselves “The Devil’s Advocates” participate in the usual acts of violence seen in other biker exploitation films, such as roughing up rednecks, and creating havoc wherever they go. The group is led by “Adam” (whom you may have seen in Motor Psycho or Peyton Place) who is a tough and somewhat charismatic character, often seen accompanied by Helen, his old lady.
At one of their stops, another member of the gang “Tarot” begins his card reading, which brings some of the other members of the gang almost to the point of fear. This curiosity of the unknown brings them to follow Tarot to the place where he says, “It’s at.” This place, as it turns out is an old church that is currently occupied by sect of satanic monks. The gang wanders through a wooded path to the courtyard of this church, where the Monks feed them bread and wine. Woops! Bad idea. Beware of monks bearing drugged gifts! All the bikers pass out, and one of the monks takes a single strand of Adam’s hair. Later they take Helen, and as the bikers sleep, the head monk, known only as “One” throws a heck of a party. Uh, I mean ritual— which features the sacrifice of a cat, and subsequently Helen doing a naked snake and skull dance near the fire. Great stuff and one extra star for good looking naked girls!
None of this makes sense until the bikers awaken and go inside the temple to retrieve Adam’s old lady. The monks are each struck down by the bikers, but they touch each biker as they fall with some greasy looking stuff. I suppose this puts some sort of curse on them, but it is Adam and Helen that end up getting hairy! They escape the temple, and head back out into the desert.
The next night, the gang camps out, and the usual party ensues with drugs, sex, alcohol, and the insinuation that everyone is having a great time—a really great time until Mouse and Shirley are killed by a couple of werewolves. The group discovers them in the bottom of a ravine and assumes that they had fallen and broken their necks, and then attacked by coyotes or other wild animals. Close, but no cigar!
On another campout near an old junkyard, a gang member known as “Movie” is attacked by a fuzzy friend, and thrown into the fire. Little does the gang know the attacks are being carried out by Adam and Helen! Some of the members come to Tarot to see if he knows what the heck is going on. The gang believes the monks are attacking them, and the decision is made that they will go back to the temple, and beat up all the monks.
The gang camps out near the temple. While the fire burns, Adam and Helen change into werewolves, and begin attacking the members. The bikers all grab sticks and fashion makeshift torches with which they attack the werewolves. Fire always seems to make werewolves pissed off. I haven’t figured out why. Anyway, shortly after Helen gets burned up, Adam still smoldering takes off on his motorcycle. The gang follows with torches blazing and eventually he crashes and burns–literally. The gang returns to the temple to finish off the monks, but as each biker tries to strike, the head monk “One” stares at them and they all fall under the spell. The closing credits roll as the bikers ride into the camera, leaving the viewer to think … Should I sing “Werewolves of One-Done,” or “Hey Hey We’re the Monk- JEEZ.” I’ll give this one 3 out of 5 stars for the reasons mentioned above. I’ll go take a shower now. I guess I’m a “wash and wear-wolf” … Till next month.